I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
