I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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