We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
