WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
