We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
