saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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