I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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