do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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