margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
