So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm like, not good at living.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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