Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The best revenge is premature balding
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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