Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's always time for handjobs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
