we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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