$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
