Nicole vs. Life
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I just put wine in my tea
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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