If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
