life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
