My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it glows. i had to have it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
