There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
