just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
