I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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