Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
