My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
