I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
