You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
