Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
