If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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