and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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