I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
