i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
