College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
