I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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