You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
