Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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