whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I smell stomach acid.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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