First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
