You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
