either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
