I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
