Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
