This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
