Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
