lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
