Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this boner is exhausting
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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