Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
