sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
