Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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