I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
