He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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