im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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