I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
