I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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