Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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